Surf's up; Sally's down

Surfing - how hard can that be?

Very, it turns out.

Don't be fooled by docile, laid back, 'life's a breeze' surfer bum types, it's probably because they've been bashed over the head with their board so many times they've got constant mild concussion.

After a brief stop at Batticaloa (which sadly seemed to be having a harder time recovering from the war than Trincomalee), I headed to Sri Lanka's answer to Australia's Gold Coast: Arugam Bay. The locals, and the surfers there, will tell you the bay is in the top 10 surfing spots in the world - and I didn't (and still don't) know any better. I do know that the waves were enormous, though, and were getting bigger by the day according to local surf reports. Excellent, just what a total surfing beginner wants to hear.

I didn't do myself any favours either, deciding to go out partying until 4.30am the night before my 8am surf lesson. With Lion beer still pumping around my body, I fought my way into the surf with my board and started with lesson 1: paddling. This was all about balance and strength, and so this bit I could do. It was the next bit that was the struggle. Lesson 2: surfing a wave.

I know I shouldn't blame my instructor, or my unsuitable board, but I will just a little bit. Our teacher was a tuk tuk driver turned surf instructor and clearly had more interest in catching his own waves than helping me catch mine. The epitome of hopelessness was when he surfed over my head - yes my head - and nearly drowned me. But I persisted; I'm no quitter.

A series of set backs ensued and I went from being able to get up on my feet on day 1, to barely being able to get in the water by day 4. And then there were the scrapes, bangs and bruises caused by the surf board dealing me blow after blow until I ended up beached on the coarse sand like a clumsy whale.

On day 5, I switched instructors after a few frightening encounters - in and out of the sea. My new instructor talked me through everything properly and I really enjoyed the surfing despite now being alarmed every time a big wave appeared on the horizon. But, after 5 days of trying to surf twice a day, I was exhausted and decided to end on a high on day 5.

My dreams of being a surfer dude would not be fulfilled on this trip, but I was just pleased to have not sustained any serious injuries at the hands of an incompetent instructor and monster waves. If surfer cool really is minor head trauma, I'm at peace with being a clumsy beached whale.